Winter Blues Part Two – Dealing With Holiday Grief

Christmas is the season of greeting loved ones at your door, of filling a tree-lit room with joyous oohs and ahhs and thank yous as foil-wrapped gifts are opened. There are chatters, clatters, songs, and singing. Joyous noise!  

But maybe you’re not up for the noise this year. Maybe you just don’t have the strength to engage in traditional holiday celebrations. Maybe you’ll find yourself alone sometime over the holidays. So what do you do? How do you both care for yourself and grieve during what is called the most wonderful time of the year? 

Suffering a loss means coping with change. Are you currently grieving for a person, grieving for what was, or grieving for what could have been? Grief is a feeling of deprivation that leads to questions and comparisons. It affects us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. So how does one handle the holidays while dealing with grief?

An 82-year-old friend of mine lost her husband eight years ago. She still stages her home and keeps the traditions that she shared with her husband because “losing him was a big enough change.” As a Christian, she feels it’s not just about herself. It’s about her family, but most importantly, it’s about Jesus.  

“We are still celebrating the Lord’s birth. There’s an element of testimony there,” she said. 

Ah, the most important ingredient to a blessed holiday: remembering that Jesus is the focus of Christmas. Jesus came that we might have life and a very present companion in our times of need. Even though we might not feel God’s presence, we lean into our faith to believe what we know is true. God says it, so we believe it. Immanuel: God is with us (Isaiah 7:14)! 

Last year, I faced the prospect of spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day alone—and not for the first time since my late husband’s death seven years earlier. Family dynamics shifted after his passing. My current husband of three years was traveling south to visit his family. My two children planned to celebrate with their in-laws in different cities, and my siblings weren’t sure what their commitments would be. I had invitations to visit, but I just wasn’t up to traveling. 

So the question was, how was I going to fill the 48 hours of Christmas? I was determined not to face the days with dread or longing for Christmases past. I didn’t want my family to worry about me and not be able to enjoy their holiday. I began to think of some practical ways to have myself a merry little Christmas: 

Creating a Cozy, Festive Space 

Over the years, I’ve decorated my home with lots of lights and favorite heirlooms, creating vignettes that brought the warmth of precious memories. I planned to settle into the festive coziness of my home with the fireplace lit, breathe in the scent of sweet pine-scented candles, and provide myself with the holiday foods I enjoy. This would be my comfort. Creating a calming sensory environment produces peace and promotes healing by deescalating emotions.  

Watching Favorite Christmas Movies 

Traditionally in December, I watch several classic movies. I thought I would enjoy a movie marathon. It’s a Wonderful Life, The Bishop’s Wife, and A Christmas Carol (I like the version with George C. Scott) are stories of goodwill towards men. Romantic comedies like Christmas in Connecticut and It Happened on 5th Avenue provide needful comedic relief. The Bible tells us that laughter is good medicine (Proverbs 17:22)! 

Taking Winter Strolls 

I understand the link between exercise and good mental health. I planned to take a walk in my neighborhood or the nearby cityscape. Walking is a mood lifter, increasing serotonin levels in the brain. A winter-wonderland stroll in God’s creation can be quite invigorating.   

Ah, Lord God! It is you who have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you. – Jeremiah 32:17 

Taking Time to Read 

Another thing I do every Christmas season is spend time reading the accounts of Jesus’ birth in the Scriptures and rereading my collection of Christmas books. I planned to curl up in my favorite chair with a soft blanket and sip on a steaming cup of Harley and Sons holiday tea. Reading and meditation reduces stress and anxiety. 

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. – Isaiah 9:6 

Visiting the Lonely  

While I planned for my own self-care, I also wanted to think of my mission to others. I know ladies from my community who live alone. During the holidays, I make it a practice to make phone calls, send cards, or set up a time to meet. I know what it is to be alone, or to even feel alone when in the midst of community. It honors our Lord when we extend empathy and comfort to others. I am, in return, so blessed (2 Corinthians 1:3-5). 

Attending Christmas Service 

While we know that attending Christmas services inspires our spiritual worship, it can also be hard when you are in the stages of grief. Believe me, I have sat in church over the years with many tears falling, but I go. Standing among the congregation on Christmas Eve singing O Holy Night is a transcending taste of what heaven must be like resounding with the angelic chorus. When I leave service, I feel rejuvenated and encouraged. 

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This Christmas, I encourage you to take a step of faith and plan out the holiday that feels comfortable for you. While you do, be open to consider the unexpected as you celebrate the miraculous birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

As I planned my holiday last year, I experienced a delightful surprise: my brother, brother-in-law, and sister traveled from Ohio to spend Christmas Day with me. We drove to Frankenmuth and found a welcoming space to enjoy a wonderful dinner. The shops below the restaurants were open, so we reveled in the holiday sights and sounds of Christmas. Even though we mingled amongst a crowd of strangers, we felt the community of the holiday spirit.  

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:19 

Author’s Note: As stated in Grief Share’s program guide, Surviving the Holidays, making a plan on how to observe the holidays is essential to coping with what can be a juxtaposition of joy and sadness. If you are overwhelmed with dread at the thought of this year’s holiday season, seek out a reputable Christian counselor who can give you personal advice on how to plan a self-paced Christmas season.  

Without counsel, plans go awry, 
But in the multitude of counselors, they are established. – Proverbs 15:22 

Editor’s Note: If you need professional or biblical counseling, we have a number of dedicated individuals ready to walk alongside you. To get in touch with our team, please click here. For further reading, check out our resource guide for difficult seasons.