Growing From Surrender | A WLI Share Your Story Blog

If I were to have coffee with my 19-year-old self, she would be baffled to hear where we are now. She would arrive five minutes early, anxiously waiting. I would get there in the nick of time. She would have a hard time being vulnerable. I would jump right into the vulnerable stuff.  

I am now twenty-two. I know I’m still young and, God willing, have much more life to live. I find it intriguing how quickly I changed in the span of four years. Looking back, I never realized how badly I needed to change until I found myself staring into the abyss of who I used to be.  

For the first 19 years of my life, I lived in fear. I sank into the trenches of my anxiety and allowed myself to wallow in self-pity. I was comfortable. I liked being in the shadows, slipping by without anyone noticing me. That’s where I thrived. I didn’t care that I had a voice, passions, or ambitions because I was too scared to chase after what I truly wanted. When I look back at that girl, paralyzed by anxieties, rejection, and apathy, I feel sorrow for her. But if she hadn’t grown sick and tired of feeling stuck, I wouldn’t be where I am today.  

In 2022, I applied for a communications internship with the Woodside Leadership Institute (WLI). I had always loved to write, but I never thought I was good at it or had any skill. I deeply doubted my giftings and capabilities.  

When I began my internship, I was afraid of the unknowns that stood before me. I struggled to speak up for myself, so I would try to figure everything out on my own—because that’s what I had trained myself to do. Quickly, my direct report noticed me struggling. She called me out and offered me guidance, but I interpreted her criticism as rejection—which was such a lie! In fact, when my boss began to point out how I could improve, I started to understand my errors and grow. Funny how that works.  

Although the first couple months of my internship were rough, I slowly gained my bearings and learned how the department flowed. I began writing longform pieces, like blogs and stories. I was assigned tasks that were difficult, which forced me to ask for help. Over the course of my yearlong internship, my self-confidence, strengths and skills grew, and I became more comfortable with myself. My direct report pushed me because she knew I was so much more capable than I told myself I was.  

When my internship came to an end, I didn’t want to stop learning, so I prayerfully decided to stay on for a residency—a higher-capacity role with the Leadership Institute. It wasn’t long before my direct report started handing me more responsibilities, which I thoroughly enjoyed. The fact that she trusted me with larger tasks helped me truly believe in myself and grow in confidence. These tasks included project managing the Woodsider magazine, interviewing people for story blogs, helping write stories for the WLI newsletter, and more. 

A milestone for each resident is completing a capstone project, so my direct report and I decided that mine would be writing Woodside’s Christmas blog series. My initial response to this was fright because I did not feel capable of being entrusted with a project like this. The project would entail a lot of intention, creative energy, and thought—all things I am capable of, but I doubted my ability. But after reflecting on the opportunity to create my own blog series, excitement bubbled within me.  

The next month and a half, I dedicated most of my time to my capstone to ensure it was superb. I stumbled through many of the steps, but I felt myself growing and learning, which was the best part. As I watched all the pieces come together, I couldn’t help but feel proud—proud of myself for not giving up even when it was difficult, and proud of the younger me who had taken on the challenge.  

Once the blogs were released, I started receiving feedback about how people were being impacted by the series. Each of those comments filled me with immense joy.  

As I now sit at my desk, writing these words about who I was and who I am now, I’m filled with a bittersweet feeling. Once my residency ends, I’ll leave the team, workspace, and community I’ve become so accustomed to. I’ll move on to something new, and that honestly feels scary—but I know that the Lord will guide each step.  

The years I’ve spent within WLI have shaped me into a far stronger, more confident, and sharpened woman. If I had never taken a step outside of my comfort zone and trusted the Lord, I would not be here today. I’m now a different person than I was when I first walked through these doors, and that is such a blessing.  

If I could offer any encouragement, it would be to trust and run. Trust the Lord with your steps. If you feel Him nudging you toward something, even if it’s nerve-wracking and scary, take His hand and let Him lead you. You never know what He will do in and through you. When you are faithful to Him, He will bless you—so run after Christ, follow His Word, allow Him to mold you, and take a step outside of your comfort zone.  

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” – Psalm 119:105