If God is Good, Then Why Are Christians So Mean?

At the Last Supper, just hours before He was turned over to the authorities and crucified, Jesus demonstrated to His disciples how they should love one another by washing their feet. This was the job of the lowest of lowly servants, but still Jesus, Master, and Lord washed their feet. Then He said to them:

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” — John 13:24–25

That’s how Christians are supposed to be known…by their love for one another, right? Then why do so many people talk about church hurt? Why do so many people say that the Church is full of hypocrites? Why is it that I’ve personally been wounded by my brothers and sisters in Christ?

Once we’ve accepted Christ as our Savior, we’re in the sanctification process — a.k.a., God is growing us in holiness and spiritual maturity. However, that process won’t be complete until we leave this earth. The Holy Spirit is working to renew our minds and transform us (Rom. 12:2), but all of us still need to repent to the Father daily (sometimes hourly)! Therefore, we shouldn’t expect that all Christians will be loving, joyful, peace-seeking, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled (Gal. 5:23) all the time.

The Church is full of imperfect people. If you’re reading this, it’s likely that you’ve been on the receiving end of Christian meanness. But here’s the thing: we have no control over others. If anything, we need to pray for the people in the Church who have hurt us so that the Lord can help them see clearly. Then, we need to focus on how God is transforming us in the process.

There’s a saying — “The only thing that has changed is my attitude, and now everything has changed.” We have no control over others, but we can control our own attitudes and actions. In Romans 12, Paul writes that vengeance is the Lord’s (v.19b), instructing believers to avoid taking revenge when they’re treated unjustly. “To the contrary,” he says, “‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (v. 20–21). We have to leave others in God’s hands and focus on what we’re responsible for ourselves.

Max Lucado wrote a children’s book called You Are Special. The story is about wooden people who give stickers to others based on their actions and appearances — stars for good and dots for bad. (Sound familiar?) Punchinello had many dots and didn’t like to go out to the village for fear of receiving more. One day, he met a person named Lucinda, who had no stickers at all. He asked how that was possible, and she responded by telling him about her daily talks with the Woodcarver.

It took courage, but Punchinello finally went to see the Woodcarver. He was surprised to learn that the Woodcarver already knew his name and was happy to see him. He didn’t condemn Punchinello for having so many dots, but rather told him that he loved him, and hoped he’d come back every day so that he could remind Punchinello how much he cared for him. Punchinello wasn’t quite sure what to think, but as he left, one of his many dots fell to the ground.

When we talk to our Creator every day and study His Word, we’ll begin to see that He is the One who defines us. We are chosen, created for a purpose, loved, priceless, called, and children of the King. God keeps no record of wrongs; instead, He forgives our sins.

“As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”
— Psalm 103:12

God is not distant or angry with us. He created us in His image so that we could have a loving relationship with Him. As we begin to truly believe these things, the confidence we have in our personal identities will grow. That’s why we shouldn’t allow others to define us — only the Father knows who we were created to be. Confidence in God is what shields us from the fiery darts of doubt, insecurity, and fear (those ugly dot stickers). Satan wants us to be distracted by the hurtful actions of others — especially others in the Church — because he knows that if we’re focused on the people who’ve caused us pain, we won’t be focused on the mission God has planned for us.

Have you allowed mean Christians to distract you from doing the work that God created you to do? When a member of the Church hurts you, don’t let their actions disillusion you from the truth of God’s character. Go to the Father with your pain. Seek counsel in prayer, from the Word, and from trusted, mature brothers and sisters in Christ. Then, look to address the conflict in the way that Jesus taught:

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” — Matthew 18:15–18