When God Does What Only He Can Do

Returning to “normal” after a mission trip is one of the most challenging things to grapple with.

Trying to get back in the rhythm of life is an absolute shock because the reality of the way of life here is exceedingly different than in Latin America. In all honesty, for me, the abundant joy I felt in Mexico lasted for a few temporary moments once I returned home. Initially, I was hit with various waves of sadness and longing to go back and be with my new family, both from Mexico and the mission team. I longed to continue living at the pace people did in Mexico, simply enjoying the moment and cherishing the people surrounding them. I wished that I could be back in Mexico living in the mission trip reality, not my reality of life at home.

My best friend moved the day before I flew to Mexico, and I carried the weight of that on the trip with me. I struggled the entire week with processing how my new “normal” would look once I got home. Once I got home, I realized my new normal was a lot harder than I thought it would be. On top of everything, my second semester of junior year of high school was in full swing with the ACT, AP tests, and simply everyday struggles. None of that felt like the way of life in Mexico. None of it was peaceful or enjoyable.

I found myself angry at God for allowing me to feel so conflicted the entire time I was in Mexico. I was upset that I didn’t have a big revelation on the trip, or an eye opening “God moment.” I was confused as to why the joy I felt in Mexico seemingly vanished after only a few short days of being home. I fell back into a pattern of sadness and let the weight of the world suffocate me.

And that’s when God did what only God can do.

He reminded me of who He is and the hope found in Him. He opened my eyes to see that I didn’t have just one big “God moment” on the trip because the entire trip, including the aftermath, was the “moment.” He shifted my mindset to see that all the joy I felt wasn’t actually gone, because true joy is not dependent on circumstance, it is rooted in my Jesus. While the reality that my best friend now lives 2000 miles away hadn’t changed, God showed me that I gained so many new, beautiful friends.

The way God designs a mission team is flawless and so purposeful. He hand-picks individuals with unique talents and creates a team that works so well together. The Mexico team has a special place in my heart because God showed me what Godly friendships look like and the qualities to look for in people. The bond created between those you travel with is not like anything else. They become family. My new family filled the gaping hole that I felt was in me and truly made me feel that abundant joy again.

However, sometimes we can have these moments but then suddenly relapse into old patterns so quickly. After coming to terms with my best friend’s move and adjusting to everything, it just felt like there was no end to being crushed by life—especially school. I’ve always been particularly hard on myself and default to a perfectionist setting. I felt like I was spiraling because I wasn’t seeing the results I wanted from ACT practice tests, and school rapidly became extremely stressful.

But God.

Once again, He completely flipped the script. In a matter of days, the perfectionist in me realized that in the grand scheme of things, a single test score, and how well I scored on it, was not defining. What defines me is not a thing, it’s my Savior. Through this realization a weight literally felt like it was lifted. I felt so much peace knowing God isn’t looking for perfection.

Even though the days and weeks following the mission trip weren’t exactly what I expected, they truly revealed the hope found in Christ once again.

It’s been almost two months now, and I still feel peace and joy. I know that regardless of the situation or circumstance, my joy is not dependent on that. God is so good and has blessed me with amazing friends from Mexico and Michigan that are absolutely incredible, and none of this would have been possible without the mission trip.

God is greater than anything I’m going to tackle, and I was reminded of this several times. God is good.